Bottle Blond
by Clover-Elf
Summary: While getting ready for what he hopes will be a date with Yuna, Tidus gets a little ahead of himself and decides to bleach his hair... all of it. He soon learns why hydrogen peroxide has a warning label. K for indirect mention of boy parts.


Author's Note:

This story is crackfic. Anyone attempting to find a point or a real plot within will be shot.

* * *

_Man, I forgot how _hot _Besaid gets._ Tidus hadn't even walked all the way around the village and he was covered with a fine sheen of sweat. He could have tracked Yuna down, but she was out catching up with people, some of whom were less than fond of him. Since she didn't currently need every single one of her Guardians at her side, he was free to join his team here for Blitzball practice—which thankfully came a little later in the day than high noon. In the meantime, he was sprawled on the spare bed at Wakka's place, mindlessly staring at the ceiling in utter boredom.

Their location, combined with his and Yuna's separate schedules, might have left Tidus worried that he wouldn't see her at all until they left again. Sensing his concern, however, Yuna had suggested they go for a swim together when he was done practicing with the team, knowing he wouldn't want to get out of the water anyway. Her exact words had been, "I know a little cove no one else ever seems to go to; want to go there, just the two of us?"

Thinking about that later, Tidus had to grin like an idiot. The weather had been so hot Rikku complained that she didn't see why people bothered wearing clothes—and Yuna had agreed. Maybe she wanted Tidus alone so they could do a little skinny-dipping?

He realized he'd have no time to clean up after practice, so he'd better make himself look presentable now. He got up, reluctantly, and went to find the public washrooms. The showers here were set up to wash clothes as well as people, so the shower stalls were nicely spacious and always well-stocked. He grabbed a towel from his own bag and headed out.

In the washroom, Tidus studied his reflection; his hair was going to get messed up during practice, no help for that, but he should make sure it wasn't getting too long or anything. After a moment, he concluded that nah, he wasn't due for a trim yet, but the darker roots of his hair were too obvious. He checked the laundry supplies and was pleased to find a bottle of hydrogen peroxide; he stripped off his shirt in case of drips and neatly applied the peroxide. It took a while to work, so he spent the time alternating between his plans for practice and for his . . . date with Yuna. Thoughts of swimming with her still made him grin a little every time.

When it was time to wash the peroxide out, Tidus decided he might as well shower completely while he was there. Leaving his towel by the door, he undressed and piled his clothes on a nearby shelf. With the temperature as high as it was, he might as well not bother drying off before dressing again; summers here were just that bad.

He was just about to turn the water on when he caught a glimpse of his reflection and frowned a little. With such a fresh bleach job, the hair on his head was at least as blond as usual, but his hair . . . elsewhere was still an obvious dark brown. He wasn't trying to hide that this wasn't his natural color, but somehow it didn't look right; hair should match. Tidus debated, then picked up the bottle again. "Wish I'd thought of this sooner." To get the same color in both places, he'd have to leave the peroxide on for the same amount of time, which meant at least another twenty minutes in here. It wasn't exactly a hardship, though, considering that practice wasn't for a while longer and he got to stand around in no clothes at all in weather that _definitely_ called for it.

Tidus turned on the showerhead just long enough to rinse out his hair and splash water over the rest of his body, then turned it off and got the peroxide back out of the laundry cupboard. Just a dash of it ought to—

The moment after he applied it, his eyes got very, very wide and it was a tremendous effort not to scream. The stuff he'd been using for _years_ on his head unexpectantly BURNED LIKE HELL on a different body part. Unable to stop himself from whimpering, he limped back into the shower and turned the water on full blast to just get the stuff OFF as fast as possible.

It was several very, very long minutes before he even thought he'd washed it all out, and he was still whimpering under his breath by the time he turned the water off. As far as he knew, hydrogen peroxide was mostly water—_what_ had caused that! Nerving himself to look down, he saw that the skin there had already turned red and irritated. Blitzball practice—hell, walking—was _not_ going to be fun that day . . . and any swimming with Yuna should probably be with clothes _on_.

Giving a soft moan, Tidus hobbled over to his clothes to get dressed; hopefully he had time to huddle up with an icepack somewhere. Where nobody would ask.


End file.
